Pump It Up

I’m standing in the Lounge admiring our new collection of kettlebells. I lift one of them, admire its heft, and a memory arises…

Growing up, I was always one of the smallest kids around.

I remember in class photos, they would line us up from shortest to tallest, and I would inevitably be at the very front. And while I was pretty fast on my feet, I was a weakling. It made perfect sense. While all my friends were in Boy Scouts, playing hockey or rollicking around outside and having fun, I was stuck inside playing the stupid piano. Yes, my fingers were surprisingly strong and supple, but that was pretty much it. I was useless.

Tired of being a pushover, I remember going through the Consumer’s Distributing catalog and seeing Joe Weider weight sets. This – yes, THIS was the answer!

That holiday season Lego and weights were at the very top of my wish list. Crawling under the Christmas tree, I tried to guess what my presents were. Shaking one box, all I heard was silence. Must be a sweater. Lame.

How about this package? The unmistakable ka-chunka sound of Lego bricks. Nice!

And this massive box with my name on it? I could barely move it let alone try to pick it up. Inside, my heart soared – this must be the Joe Weider weights. My life was going to change.

The remainder of that Christmas break was a heady time. After playing with my new Legos, I would hang out in my bedroom and pump iron.

Well, not exactly.  It turns out those Joe Weider weights were too expensive. So instead I was given a set of Yorks. Rather than cast-iron, these budget weights were plastic and filled with sand. While I was initially a bit disappointed, I soon realized it didn’t matter. Ten pounds of sand weighs as much as ten pounds of steel… and regardless, my twelve-year old self was gonna get ripped!

Looking back, it was a wonder I didn’t give myself a hernia. Drawing from my impressions of what weightlifting should look like, I embarked on various exercises. MUST HAVE bigger biceps. So I did lots of bicep curls.  MUST HAVE A BIGGER CHEST. I would lie on my bed and do benchpresses and flys. Grunting and groaning with the odd scream thrown in, I’m sure the sounds coming from my bedroom were disturbing.

But I could feel I was getting stronger. And after a few weeks I even started to add more weight. I was officially a 4′ 10″ little meathead. My vanity soared to new heights.

Every day I would preen and flex in front of the mirror. Yes, my biceps were getting bigger, but my critical eye noted how the other side of my arms were flaccid. I needed TRICEPS! But how? I quickly consulted the Yorks instruction manual. There, in grainy black and white was the answer –  “overhead tricep extensions”. The diagram was a bit hard to follow, but I eventually figured it out:

1. Stand tall.
2. With straight arms use both hands to grip a single dumbbell over your head.
3. Bend your elbows to lower the dumbbell behind your neck.
4. Flex triceps to return the weight to starting position.
5. Repeat.
6. Feel ego inflate.

I tried the exercise once. It felt incredibly hard. This. Yes, this exercise would fulfill my pre-teen-life.

I religiously added tricep extensions to my workout routine. My daily mirror sessions soon revealed tiny little bumps on the back of my arms. TRICEPS!

Nothing breeds success like success, so the next day, it was time to step it up. Loosening the plastic collar on the bar, I added more weight. Standing tall, I began doing tricep extensions like a child possessed. And suddenly, the dumbbell felt half as heavy. Amazing!

But little did I realize, in my haste to add more weight, I hadn’t tightened the plastic collar properly. After a few reps, the collar slipped off. And unbeknownst to me, in my moment of pride and self congratulation, a 10 pound weight was flipping through the air, aimed squarely at the top of my head.

BAMMM!

Seeing stars, I hit the ground like a sack of hammers. Clutching my skull in agony, I moaned and rocked in the fetal position.

The only thing larger than my swollen triceps was the swollen bump on my head.

These past few decades, I’ve focused on functional mobility and core strength. It’s been a long time since I worked with weights. But as I get older, I can see the value of bringing strength work back to my practice. I want to improve my bone density, maintain muscle mass, and regain the confidence that comes from moving heavy things.

It’s funny how sometimes we come full circle to what we do – but hopefully, the reasons why have changed.

Let’s get pumped!

jeff

PS: If you want to work with weights, come join me at Yoga Strong. And no – we won’t be doing tricep extensions 🙂